I thought I could wear them. I really did. This morning, while I was getting dressed, I decided to go with the pair of skinny jeans that I bought this weekend. When I tried them on, they were just a teensy weensy (I mean, ever-so-slightly) too tight at the waist, but fit perfectly everywhere else. (Butt check? Very nice.) And they were half-price. Sweet.

While driving to work, I noticed their snugness, but brushed it off, thinking I could just sit up nice and straight throughout the day. Alas, as the day wore on (and after eating five dark chocolate squares), I began feeling lightheaded. I couldn’t concentrate. My stomach hurt. The world started getting blurry. So I did what I had to do. I unbuttoned my pants. Immediately, I felt relief. Thank goodness for my oversized sweater that concealed the shame. Today, it saved my life.