I’m back from NorCal and despite having to grunt “Go away” to my mother who is at this very moment nagging me to clean my room (I guess that’s in the fine print of my free rent deal), I couldn’t be happier to be home. The wedding was super sweet and I’m glad I was able to celebrate with Matt’s family, but dude, traveling two weekends in a row is rough.

I despise air travel. It’s second on my Transportation Hate List, after driving. I had a pretty ridiculous experience on Friday night, when after waiting in a gazillion-person security line at LAX, I had to get to my gate, like, now. There I was, standing in my socks behind six or so people at the metal detector. I needed to take action. Frantically, I shifted my way to the front.

“Excuse me, is there any way I can step in front of you? My flight’s in, like, 10 minutes,” I ask politely.

“Well, my flight’s in 5 minutes!” a man in line blurts out.

“Mine too!” another yells.

“Oh, sorry,” I say, not sure of what I should do.

“Just go!” the people command.

After running through the airport with my shoes halfway on my feet, I finally arrive at my gate only to discover that my flight is delayed. Hooray for Southwest!

………. Of course, on rare occasions, the airport can be a fun place, too. About to head home, Matt and I are standing on the moving walkway at Oakland airport. We spot some girl running toward us with her shoes and luggage in hand. She’s obviously freaked out, but we don’t think much of it. We move to close to the rail to let her through.

About 10 seconds later, we hear a scream.

“Nooooooooooooooo! Did it leave? OH MY GOD, THEY CLOSED THE DOOR!”

The girl had just missed it. The plane is still in sight, but loading area is empty.

“Why? Why? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?” she yells.

She starts banging on the windows and waving at the plane. The jetway begins to shrink in. “STOP! STOP!” she yells, flailing her arms in hope of catching the pilot’s attention.

Everyone around is staring, a few people snickering. Matt tries to keep walking, but I won’t budge. This is too awesome, I say. What a psycho!

Some official opens the door and she begs him to let her in. He takes a look at her patheticness and then says something on his walkie talkie. A few seconds later, the jetway extends toward the plane and he walks through the door. The girl goes back to pounding on the window.

By now, Matt and I have plopped down on chairs to catch all the action. I’m completely entranced.

“I would never act like that,” I assure him. “I might cry, but I’d never make a big scene.”

“Unless you’re in China and they’re about to kill all the Americans,” he says.

“Uh, right,” I shrug.

Finally, the official opens the door and lets the sad girl through. Teary-faced, she smiles. There’s no applause or anything. Pretty anticlimactic, I must say.

“Wow, she got on,” I murmur. “I guess being crazy really works.”

A guy sitting with his girlfriend laughs, shakes his head and goes back to reading his magazine.

I know this post is ironic and I probably will be that girl someday. And when that day comes, you should laugh at me. I’ll definitely deserve it.