I thought it was just a bad mood that enveloped me one day. Then when it stuck around, I figured it was an extended funk. (I have been working 11+ hour days, ugh, point finger-gun to head, shoot.) But today I had the realization that no, holy crap, this is a full-on crisis.
It sounds silly when I say it. I bet every other post on this website has the word crisis in it. Why is this crisis different than Crisis #948572 (the one where I bemoan my barely-there eyebrows)? I don’t want to be in a crisis. I’ve done crises. And written about them, too.
But it’s been building for the past several months and has been paralyzing me for the past several weeks. I wake up every morning and think I don’t want to do this anymore. I look in the mirror and wonder Where is my joy? It’s been affecting every inch of my life. (Have you sensed it, too?)
Sometimes, I think you just have to say your thoughts aloud in order for you to hear and listen to yourself. Today, I declared over and over, “I’m not happy.” I did this until the decision-making part of my brain finally snapped: “OK! Let’s do something about it.”
I’ve been procrastinating on choosing between two life paths, perhaps because one of the paths is so scary. But thinking about that path also makes my heart flutter inside. I believe that being on it would help me find my joy.
I’m going to take this path.
Typing this makes me smile.
You know when you’re trying to make a decision and there’s a little war between your heart and your brain, certain signs just seem to pop up.
Tonight, this gave me comfort:
I won’t be adding much detail about this chosen path for a while because I can’t, but just know that I’m on my way to more.
15 responses so far ↓
1 mimsie // Nov 21, 2008 at 6:14 am
Good for you. You honestly don’t have anything to lose except for that nagging voice of “what if?”
2 mandy // Nov 21, 2008 at 7:12 am
Its so easy to get stuck in a rut and then not know what to do. Kudos to you for following a path and making some different choices. Good luck!
3 Lily // Nov 21, 2008 at 7:18 am
That is amazing – good for you! I admire you for being able to do that and say that out loud. I feel like I have an instinct that I’m keeping buried as deep as possible as to what I should be doing or at least what I should be pursuing… but it’s scary and risky and I can’t quite commit to leaving stability to do it… one day :) Your post gives me inspiration. Kudos!
4 m@ // Nov 21, 2008 at 7:53 am
I’m being replace already? Well, I had a good run. I knew I couldn’t keep up the World’s Strongest Billionaire act forever.
5 Jamie // Nov 21, 2008 at 8:32 am
“You don’t have to know where you are going”
Exactly. I feel the same way.
6 maggie // Nov 21, 2008 at 10:53 am
good job. listening to yourself is the first step toward any kind of happiness. keep the faith …. in yourself.
7 HBee // Nov 21, 2008 at 11:18 am
Sending support your way! I’m so glad that you faced what’s making you unhappy and made the decision to move in a different direction.
8 Ally // Nov 21, 2008 at 11:20 am
Awesome. Sometimes scary takes us to great places. Of course your post makes me think of Robert Frost. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_Not_Taken
9 Ginger // Nov 21, 2008 at 11:34 am
There seems to be a lot of this going around, so brava to you for choosing something to make you happy!
10 Di // Nov 21, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Sounds great, I’ll be praying for you! I’m excited to see your life unfold over the years. You’ll look back and be glad you took a leap of faith into whatever direction you are headed.
11 j // Nov 21, 2008 at 6:13 pm
thats awesome michelle! whatever it is.. i’m excited to see it unfold =) what better time than now you know???.. I think we all have to do some searching here and there. kudos =)
12 Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat // Nov 22, 2008 at 1:05 pm
You’re such a great writer and I wholly identify with this post. I’m so glad that I stumbled across your blog! Good luck with your new path… sometimes the scary ones are the most rewarding…
13 Asianmommy // Nov 22, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Sounds like you are making a change for the better. Go for it!
14 Vanessa // Nov 23, 2008 at 7:25 am
Valuable advice indeed, sometimes we just know we need to change something, but not exactly where to go from there. Good luck as you journey to discover what that may be.
15 Zandria // Nov 23, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Oooh, Michelle…how exciting! I love when there are possibilities of change in the air can’t I can’t talk about publicly. Can’t wait to hear how yours works out. :)
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