Right this moment, there are three couples smiling at me. They’re so happy. MAKE THEM STOP! Okay, okay, so they’re immortalized as Save the Date magnets on my bulletin board. Yes, we’re halfway to wedding season once again.
I’m sure you’d expect me to insert some hyperbole-drenched paragraph about how everyone’s getting married and how there’s so much pressure to get with the program. But you know what? That freak-out session is so last season. I’m incredibly happy for my friends getting hitched and incredibly happy with my own love life, too. Even for a 27 year old woman who’s been with her boyfriend for nearly five years and has a traditional Chinese grandmother who somehow finds a new way to say YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER every time she sees her, this is indeed possible.
Plus, I’m not ready quite yet. Relationship-wise, I guess I’m almost ready, but in so many other ways, I’m simply unprepared. Warning, the rest of this post may sound ridiculous, but it’s stuff that I do think about. You see, while marriage is all about love and commitment (I can handle that), the engagement and wedding, well, those come with completely different checklists.
Here are some things I still need to do before anyone asks me to be a wife:
Fuel my friendships: One of my friends was asked to be a maid of honor. The bride is one of her best friends from high school, but in the years after college, they drifted. My friend was complaining that the bride is all of a sudden reaching out to her, calling her to hang out and trying to jerk the friendship to where it used to be. “It’s so obvious,” my friend said, rolling her eyes. Quiet mental note to self: Be a better friend (and relative, for that matter). Of course, a wedding shouldn’t be the only reason to jump-start relationships with others, but hey, it’s an incentive.
Fix bottom teeth: For perfect, TheKnot.com-ready pictures.
Attract more blog readers: To direct them to a future wedding blog, duh.
Domesticate: No one’s gonna propose to someone who doesn’t know how to sew on a button or use an oven.
Save money: My parents already emptied the “wedding fund” and bought timeshares and a big screen TV.
Get educated: Cushion? Princess? Baguette? Whaaa?
Wow, I should get moving. Although I’m sure that after Matt reads this, I won’t be needing to think about any of these things for a long, long time.
Heh. I have a similar “before we get engaged” list, and some engagement stipuations (no holidays, no corniness, no dumb ‘we were sitting on the couch’ proposals).
Money is a big one.
As is living together for a while.
And hitting the one-year mark.
Originally, it was 3 years, but The Boy is persuasive.
And… I have a feeling when/if it happens, all my stipulations will go out the window. :-)
That all makes perfect sense. Sometimes I want to get engaged just so I can start saying “husband-elect” instead of “fiance” and I want to get married so I can have a blog post that says, “reader, I married him.”
Honestly, everyone should know how to cook a simple meal and sew a button, regardless of being married or getting married. These are basic life skills. Even so, if some guy doesn’t propose because you can’t make a stupid swan out of a napkin then he is a loser and should be punted out the door.
I think the money thing is the biggest issue. Do you save up for the first house or for the Galliano dress? Prepare to debate that one.
weddings are tricky when you have a girlfriend. i don’t know that i’ll ever get marriedmarried, but we’ve been together for four years and i know i am NOT ready. NOT NOT NOT:
#1. personal opinion but i think i should be graduated from school before i plan a wedding. considering i’m in school. and 21. would be a different story if i was like 30 and had decided to go back to school or something. i think.
#2. i’m so with you on the domesticating. must. learn. to. cook/bake. sew. etc.
#3. girlfriend must buy condo first. (never in my foreseeable future could i be a home owner. but she has this amazing job and savings account and is current looking at places).
and etc but this comment is getting outta control long.
ooh, and noelle’s comment about ‘husband elect’? ahhah, i love it.
i’m way over ‘before the ring’ lists. i’m at that ‘gimme the fucking ring now’ stage!!
Let’s do some analogies.
This Post : Engagement
Unexpected Knock on the Door : Finishing a Romp in the Sack
It could still happen, but it’s definitely not happening right away. The desire to wed has gone flaccid.
Oh man, the ring education–so much to learn! 3-stone! Solitaire! There are just TOO many to choose from!
Michelle,
This is a really smart post. I am never even dating anyone and I still thought it was intelligent, funny and honest. But I still was filled with bitterness that THESE are your big problems. What to work on before a man swears publicly that he will love, honor and do anything for you for the rest of your life. Cry. Me. A. River. Or, Find. Me. A. Date. ;)
I really like your list and think those are good things to accomplish before getting hitched. I think if you are happy with your situation at the moment, why rush to change it?
Pear Shape Cut with two tiny pear shape one on each side and on a platinum band.
Yeah, I’ve already got mine and I’m single.
Wishful thinking?
Dude. My list included finishing grad school, buying a house, and living on my own first. I almost included getting a Ph.D. because it’s about damn time we had a Dr. My-Maiden-Name in the family. But that’s the most stupid reason to put myself through a Ph.D. program I’ve ever heard.
I’m going to be unmarried forever.
I love this list – up and down.
You’re so cool.
You need to learn to sew before you get hitched? Whaat?
Attract more blog readers: To direct them to a future wedding blog, duh.
HAHA. Classic blogger preplanning. (It’s come to the point that I think of my life anecdotally, in blog posts…)
Girl that’s a realistic list and they’re all things that you want to accomplish for yourself! Notice you’re not saying “Hey I want my BF to be an millionaire”
I think you’ve mentioned all things YOU want to provide once you’re married. Ways to feel prepared for the responsibility before getting married…thats a great thing.
Kudos to you and your blog pre-plan.
I just googled this because of Matt’s tweet (https://twitter.com/theotheragentm/status/2313337822) and this post is hilarious. I’m going to bookmark it because it’s so so true!