When I first entered journalism, a lot of people told me I would be successful. Those voices of encouragement were my fuel. I aimed to please, and every time I did so, I wanted to do it again.
Now those voices have been quieted, understandably so — there’s no encouragement in journalism right now — but my own voice has not risen within me as a replacement.
It’s pretty quiet around here. Oftentimes, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, if I’m improving, if any of this means anything to anyone.
Sometimes I yearn to go back to school or work for a big company with lots of bosses, but I know that it’s only so I can get someone to say, “Yes, you’re doing it right.”
Can’t I just say that myself? Is it possible to be brilliant even if no one else utters the words?
It sucks to live like this, to be a praise junkie. (Ha — why do you think I started a blog?) Your worth is dependent on the opinions of other people, who can be oh-so unreliable.
There’s some genius in me, I’m sure, but finding it means looking past what’s going to get me comments and pats on the back and instead looking for what makes me come alive. That’s a much more difficult task.
But frankly, I’m tired of the silence.
You’re blog is awesome and I love it!
(Sometimes bosses are overrated, I hate mine and never hear “good job” from him.)
Good God no you do not want a million bosses, it sucks hardcore. Best to be your own boss so you can give yourself raises for how well you did.
You know you got me in your cheering section! Just don’t ask me to wear a short skirt and wave pom poms… that’s where I draw the line.
i felt like this lately too. since i came back from my blogging hiatus it’s been really quiet. it’s hard to keep going but ultimately why i started my blog was for me and that’s what i try to remember :)
I feel you. I’m an artist. College critiques used to be a source of fear. Then I became a crowd pleaser. I miss it so badly.
You rock, and you’re not alone.
Those words keep me going too. :)
So, I will likely be in the minority here. But, not everyone wants to be a leader. If there were only leaders in the world, we’d all die because there’d be no one to follow us. So, I say, there’s nothing wrong with liking a little direction from a boss and/or not wanting to do it all on your own. Consider yourself a team player and pat yourself on the back!
I struggle with this all the time. Sometimes I think about dis-enabling comments on my blog just because I get sick of all the praise. It feels unhealthy and I know that as much as I hate it, I’m a junky for it, too. I honestly think ego is the biggest obstacle for an artist. It’s not about us, it’s about what we can bring for the world. We’re conduits, dude! And you’re a hell of a one.
That;s the problem with freelancing… it’s very easy to start thinking you are making your “career” up. I miss the praise and direction offered at the magazine I use to work for, but LIFE is so, so much better. Don’t worry. Deep down, you know your own worth.
I like this post. A lot. And I’m not just saying it to please. I think finding internal motivation is super-duper important.
you’re brilliant, you’re brilliant, you’re brilliant! just so you know :)
i will make you a widget that will post “good job michelle woo” on your blog every day. and you will know. you are loved. *hugs*
It took me a long time to get used to the idea of tooting my own horn even if no one else is tooting with me (haha), but reaching this new state of being was probably one of the best things that happened in my life. I still yearn for praise of course, but no longer depend on this to create and re-create who I am. I started blogging again with one objective in mind: to write whatever I want and to be whoever I want to be without worrying about number of readers, comments, supporters, etc. It took me some time (28 long years) but I’m now officially out as my true self. I understand why you feel tired of the silence but hey, you’re the only person who can break it. :)
woooooooo hoooooooooo!
i think it might be because the role of journalism is changing. journalism is dying? certainly, print is.. :(
I totally understand this feeling- ‘praise junkie hehe I think it’s normal! We write for different reasons and one is definitely to connect to people and inspire others. ;)