via Gchat
Lorenzo: This is a brainstorming session. I need you to help me write a bio for the bachelor auction I’m in.
Me: Well, what are your most attractive features?
Lorenzo: I’ve been told I have a nice upper lip. And my ex said I had a nice back.
Kyung: Mention you have great NIPPLES!!
Lorenzo: BTW, I have the choice of allowing both females and males to bid.
Julieann: HAHAHAHA
Kyung: Say you lived in SF.
Lorenzo: You can say that I traveled to India, Costa Rica, London, Taiwan and Japan.
Julieann: You built my desk.
Kyung: Say you’re a builder!
Lorenzo: I’m an architect.
Kyung: Say you’re a gold medalist in bedroom olympics.
Lorenzo: I have to go on stage, too. I’ll be nervous.
Julieann: Just don’t wear anything that shows armpit sweat.
Kyung: To show creativity, first appear nerdy and lame, but somewhere in the middle of your sales pitch, change your voice and appearance.
Jon: Steve Urkel to Stephan!
Kyung: Wear glasses and then fling them into the crowd. Ta-da !
Lorenzo: Haha. OK, focus. I enjoy surfing, beach volleyball, wine and movies. Don’t say chick flicks. Oh, you should probably mention I’m a pretty good dancer.
Jon: Do a dance on stage.
Kyung: When transforming into Stephan!
Lorenzo: On my bio, it should just say I HAVE A JOB.
Kyung: Mention your WPM.
Me: How about something like this? “Lorenzo is the perfect mix of brains and brawn. The proud Bruin loves to travel, surf, play beach volleyball, watch movies and get down on the dance floor. He’s also a gold medalist in Bedroom Olympics. OK, just kidding. He only won the bronze.”
Lorenzo: $1000 bid!
Kyung: $1001!
Me: Yay! Now what picture are you gonna use? That’s even more important.
Lorenzo: I need help there, too.
Kyung: I can Photoshop something for you :)
Lorenzo: Put me on Wolverine’s body and give me Johnny Depp’s eyes and hair.
Kyung: You should write this: “I’ve thought a lot about what first impression I should give you all, but the truth is, I have multiple personality syndrome, bipolar disease and three kids.”
Lorenzo: I like it!
Julieann: Me too.
Jon: Me too.
Me: Yeah, OK, I’m going to bed.
It’s good to know you can always rely on your friends. :)
I now wish I stayed awake for this. My only recommendation was to add this tag line.
I lift heavy things…effortlessly.
Lorenzo is scared of bugs.
Hysterical! You should post the results of the auction after it happens.
you know, Lorenzo actually told me to look at your post today. and he warned me not to laugh at him. HAHAHAHAHAHA… i can’t wait to see the results of the auction!
hahahaha.. sigh.
hahahaha too funny. love it. and i agree with lindsay, please post results, i’m quite curious.
I agree, what was the end result?
The bachelor auction happens later this month! I’ll let you know how much he goes for! Hopefully a lot. He’s a good catch :)
Lorenzo is a good multi-tasker w/ an artistic eye. He can ride a horse and take good pictures all at the same time. ahahaha…this post cracks me up.
He’s lucky to have awesome & creative friends like you to make him sound desirable.
funnnny! Lo does have a good back and nice nipples.
I write fill-in-the-blank bio templates but I’ve never been asked for one like that! hmmm…