Comments on: First comes love, then comes WEDDING, then comes … oh yeah, that.

By: Tabitha

Tabitha — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:24:14 +0000

I’ve only been married for four months, but I feel like I’ve simultaneously grown up a lot and also realized just how immature I still can be sometimes. (Case in point: today’s blog post.) But I do want to say that pre-marital counseling is SO completely invaluable. I am 100% sure that if we hadn’t gone through it, we would be having a COMPLETELY different experience right now as newlyweds. The counseling helped to bring out conversations we wouldn’t necessarily have had for awhile; we worked out issues that could have been deal-breakers, and we learned some really key tools for better communication. So, counseling is definitely one thing I will recommend to ANYONE I know who is thinking of getting married. It’s incredibly helpful.

By: darleene

darleene — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:38:19 +0000

I second Heather’s comment! Its totally important.

By: michelle

michelle — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:08:35 +0000

Wow, thanks to everyone for their thoughtful, eye-opening comments. I’m floored.

By: wahzz

wahzz — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:01:18 +0000

This might be helpful. I don’t mean to be a pessimist, I just want to be helpful.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/24/your-money/24money.html?_r=1&em

By: Heather Rose

Heather Rose — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:20:49 +0000

Premarital counseling is THE.WAY.TO.GO. My husband and I met in high school. We dated four years before we got married. We didn’t think there was ANYTHING we didn’t know about each other, but we were wrong. Counseling brought out some really important issues. Nothing that changed our love for one another, but things that we needed to be aware of/prepared for.

Oh, and anything that bugs you now will be amplified x10 trillion, and sincere communication is key.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 21:44:20 +0000

Marriage is just a piece of paper for the governments sake.

By: sarah (ghost world)

sarah (ghost world) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 15:10:39 +0000

i have been married for 3.5 years now — before that, we lived together for 3.5. honestly, the move-in affected our relationship more than the wedding!

i don’t feel like the ‘officialness’ of the wedding really changed anything – it was just a wonderful celebration of what we sort of already knew — that we wanted to spend our lives together.

i hope that takes the pressure off, just a little!

By: Shaba

Shaba — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 22:38:10 +0000

Dear Michelle,
Welcome to my world.
Sometimes I wish I could take off my head just so the wedding brain constant planning would stop.
As for the marriage bit, I think I understood it better before there was this big looming party to plan.
It’s my worst fear to totally lose track of WHY there’s a wedding, and everyday I find myself slipping a little more. A Practical Wedding helps, but sigh, there’s just so much to DO.

By: nicoleantoinette

nicoleantoinette — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 21:52:39 +0000

I can’t imagine loving someone enough to be ready for marriage, so I have zero advice for you. You will, however, be the person I call for it if that day ever does come around.

By: Nina

Nina — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:44:23 +0000

Yubo and I have been married for five years now, but we only dated/were engaged for two years and we never lived together before we got married so yeah, for us, marriage is really different than dating.

I would say that marriage before kids was more just an extension of dating, but more fun because he was always around and I didn’t have to drive to see him or vise-versa. Also the whole thing other people mentioned about feeling safe. But we also fought a lot more because every little annoying thing he did got magnified like 50,000 times because OMG I’m going to have to live with THAT (cracking his knuckles, leaving his socks all over the house, falling asleep mid-argument) for the next 60 years?!?

Marriage post-kids is a whole ‘nother thing unto itself. I think having young children makes marriage a lot more work. We have to actively set time aside to spend with each other, to talk to each other, etc. But at the end of the day, the best thing about being married is falling asleep and waking up next to Yubo everyday and knowing we’ll do that ’till death do us part.