When I asked my best girlfriends to be my bridesmaids, we squee’d a little and started discussing color schemes. When Matt asked his best buddies to be his groomsmen, they immediately started planning his bachelor party.
It’s great that the bachelor party gives Matt something to be excited about. I mean, if he has to put up with a year of me agonizing over pale peach vs. pale pink napkin holders, he should at least get a chance to see nipple. I’m totally fine with whatever type of soiree—or, er, man-party—his friends decide to throw him. They can go on a weekend-long strip club crawl for all I care, as long as Matt jumps in a tub of Purell before seeing me again.
I’m a pretty chill fiancé, right?
That’s what I thought.
So Matt tells me that bachelor party planning is in full force and that his friends have a location in mind.
Brace yourself.
Amsterdam.
Yes, as in the European country.
The thing is, this isn’t a joke. Several of Matt’s best friends would be up for flying across the globe for a bachelor party. (I was just telling Matt that we’re totally the Rachel, Phoebe and Joey of the group and he was like, “Huh?” and I was like, you know that episode of Friends where Rachel, Phoebe and Joey are sad that they can’t partake in all the fun-yet-extravagant activities that Monica, Ross and Chandler plan because they are broke? That’s totally us! And then Matt said he wanted to be Joey because Joey gets lots of action.)
So Matt was telling me about their plans and I was like, “YOU CAN’T GO TO AMSTERDAM!” And he was like, “Why not?” and I was like, “You can’t go out of the continent for a bachelor party! And what if I wanted to go to Amsterdam with you? WHAT THE HECK?!” And Matt’s like, “I really have no control over this party. You’ll have to take it up with the groomsmen.”
So now the word on the street is that Matt’s bachelor party is in Amsterdam and everyone is all excited about it. Even my girlfriends want in. This is super annoying for me on so many levels. (I don’t really know what those levels are but a lot of people use that phrase so I thought I’d try it.)
I must stop the madness.
But how?
Um, pretty sure I’d veto that, too.
The thing is, if it REALLY bothers you, Matt does have power over it. Nobody can really force him onto the plane.
Also, you’re way may more chill of a fiance than I’d ever be. :)
Um, so? Have your bridesmaid party in Amsterdam, too. What’s stopping you?
Bobby: Oh yeah, huh? Guys are so smart! But I’m pretty broke. Dangit.
Plan your bachelorette party in Europe as well? Maybe not Amsterdam, but what about Italy? Italy can be cheap! With wine! And Italian men! AND CHEESE!
Why Amsterdam? For legal drugs and hookers? I’d have a problem with that too. Not to mention the expense. Seems a bit much considering you’d be going on a honeymoon shortly afterwards.
um i’d right there with you on vetoing that. i mean i totally don’t care what matt does for his bachelor party except go to another continent! that’s a little extreme.
SO NOT FAIR! Why is it that boys get to have all the fun, while we’re supposed to have a ‘posh tea party’ with our grandmother’s in attendance? Not that I’m knocking tea, or grandmother’s (Mine’s fab!).
And of course all the girls want to go along, which is entirely not the point. Because why do all the girls get to go and only the bride misses out on the fun?
If I were you, I’d talk to him honestly and ask that he recognize that he does have control in the situation.
He does. So much.
So much that it really agitates me to the point that I would break into hives if I was in your position.
By saying he doesn’t have any control, he’s actively choosing to putting you in the position of having to be a shrill no-fun wife figure instead of being an equal partner and talking with you about it. That is bad future husband form, bad boyfriend form, just bad form in general!
If he wants to go to Amsterdam, he should totally plan that trip! If it’s a boys trip it’s a boys trip! But the sheer logistics of this, and if it’s close to the wedding at all…. all I can think is jet lag, missed flights, lost luggage, hang overs… and he’d be away for over a week for sure to make it worth all that distance, right at the most stressful pre-wedding time… I mean never mind the cost.
If he was my Mister I would just ask him to put on his “I’m a grown up” pants and do the respectful thing. Tell the boys that he loves the grandeur but it’s a local event they have to plan. He should be looking forward to the wedding, not a trip the month before. The bachelor party should be a celebration of your getting married, not a huge mecca event that becomes about excluding you and overshadows your getting married.
No one should put you in the position of being the fun police, and especially not him or his friends.
I am pretty sure I would be upset too. I agree with Kyla.
What Matt doesn’t know is that we plan to put him up for sale in one of those windows in the red light district.
Marital strife already?
I don’t think Kyla couldve worded that any better, I completely agree!
I say you go to Amsterdam too but separately with your girls. Or not? This can be talked about, I’m sure. But you should have your bachelorette party too :)
I hear it was a toss up between Dubai and Amsterdam.
You should be glad it was the lesser of two evils.
As the Best Man I feel it is my responsibility to interject. We were actually planning to go to Amsterdam as part of Habitat for Humanity where we were going to help build the Janssen family a new home after theirs was destroyed in a freak accident involving a bicycle and a bottle of hair spray.
Now that dream is destroyed since you all don’t want us to go. Instead we will be going to Thailand to drink, party and force Matt to do things he will not be able to ever tell Michelle. And the Janssen family will still have no home.
-The Best Man
tell him to at least bring you along on a popsicle stick! oh wait, was that only cute when you guys were dating and he was going on a trip w/ his parents? oops
easy. wedding off until amsterdam is nixed. :)
Some of these comments are absolutely patronizing and downright insulting. That is all.
For clarification, is the issue whether the bachellorette and bachelor party can be at the same location at the same time and party together, i.e. all one big trip? Traditionally, from my American pop culture understanding (i.e. “The Hangover”), it should be separate. I believe the concept of a bachelorette and bachelor party is for the bride/groom to bond with their girls/boys one last time for old times sake before taking the next stage in their lives as a married couple (i.e. like a one last girls/boys night out). You both have the rest of your lives to go on big trips together. Where and when the party occurs should not be an issue as long it doesn’t get out of hand to the point of infidelity (or interfere with the actual wedding) IMHO.
whoa whoa folks its gettin heated on here. I am sure you and Matt will figure out exactly what is right for you guys as a couple.
But, no, I would not be thrilled if I was in your position.
Whoa, I thought I was chill (my rule for stuff like that is, “You can look but don’t touch”) but you seem even chill-er.
Still, I agree, Amsterdam seems a bit much. But like Kaci said: He DOES have power over it. So you need to work with him to find an acceptable compromise. Him telling you to take it up with the groomsmen is, IMO, a cop-out. They’re his buddies, but you’re his future wife. He should help you translate/mediate.
Oh, but LOL to The Best Man’s comment! :D
Amsterdam is totally common as a bachelor’s party destination for europeans. Cheap and fun. You would have nothing to worry about seriously. Although, Craig’s going to the Royal Ascot horse races for his so I guess I can’t really speak. :P
ahhaha