Be yourself, loudly.
—Zen Habits
A word that people often use to describe me is “quiet.” I don’t really think of myself as quiet because my brain is never quiet (sometimes, I’m just like dude, STFU), but on the outside, yes, I suppose I’m kinda shy and awkward and quiet.
Maybe it has something to do with the people I’m surrounded by. I’m quiet in comparison. My parents are co-presidents of a local Toastmasters, a public speaking organization, so naturally, they talk a lot. My fiance? Oh, he’s a talker alright. While my comfort group is about six people (meaning any higher number makes me a little jittery), his is like 57. Most of my friends are bold and dramatic. That’s why I like them.
But I’m also quiet in general. When I’m with a crowd of new people, I’ll rack my brain for things to say (and grab a cocktail if one’s available). I hate small talk. Perhaps that is why I am writer.
I often wish to be louder, more open, but I think that will come with the whole “not caring what people think” thing. I doubt I will ever be perceived as “loud,” that’s just not who I am, but I do want to learn to tell stories with gusto, to captivate, to speak with confidence and honesty.
I’m not quite sure how to pursue this goal. If you have any ideas, let’s talk.
P.S. I’m not a mutant so you can still invite out and I’ll be fun. Just in case you were wondering.
i feel weird commenting at 8:12 in the morning. nothing intelligent can come from this i’m sure. :) my fiancé and i are totally the opposite. he’s the comfort zone of less than 5 people and i’m the put-me-on-stage-and-give-me-a-solo girl. i guess it does come from not caring what people think, but for me i think it also has come from my mediocre high school career where i just felt like i didn’t *stand out,* and now i’m desperate too. as for advice…i would say take it slow…as in don’t jump into something super crazy, cause you might just get all freaked out!! :)
I also can’t stand small talk. I have loud, fun friends and I love it, but I’m also the quiet one. Until I get a couple drinks in… then I’m chatty Cathy.
Yubo is like you. I’m kind of borderline introvert/extrovert. I don’t like large groups (alcohol, please! PLEASE?!?), but once I get to a certain comfort zone with a person or a small group of people, I don’t have a problem talking, telling stories or holding the spotlight for awhile.
You struck me as “quiet” too, but then I read your writing and I realized that there HAD to so much more going on than you were saying. :)
You’re not quiet, just stifled.
It is not about quantity or loudness of your words, but the quality and succinctness of the expression of your thoughts. When you do speak, people are inspired and find you hilarious (which is a good thing).
I am very similar to you in that I’m most comfortable in smaller groups. Anything more than 6 or 7 and I’m basically the quiet one of the group (and really small talk? so not my thing). I am ok with that though. I dont need to be loud and dramatic.
It’s funny—I am loud, dramatic, etc. in small settings. In groups? I am quiet, and have been perceived as rude before simply because I AM ANXIOUS. I just prefer smaller settings where we can really talk, not just yell about the music at the bar or whatever.
P.S. Read your comment over at Nilsa’s and WOW. Love your exercise perspective and am totally writing that down. AWESOME.
I’M TOTALLY LIKE THAT!
Especially in new surroundings, they tend to mistake that as arrogance or something when I’m completely not like that.
My advice: HANG OUT WITH ME MORE
I’m quiet, too. I’ve noticed that when we sit next to each other at parties, it’s like a competition for who had less to say. But, here’s the thing: I happen to believe we both have TONS TO SAY. I mean, we are writers, no? We’re just quiet.
And I’m not shy, really. I’m just quiet. In reality, I have no filter, and that’s why I stay quiet. Because, once I start talking, forget about it; nothing is out of bounds anymore. Which is what happens when I drink too much wine or champagne.
Some people just can’t stand quiet. And then I come across as a bitch because I’m just silent. To them, I say: EFF OFF. They talk too much anyway.
If you figure it out, let me know. That’s exactly how I am! Unfortunately, I often have to play happy hostess at my husband’s art shows, which basically means I have to spend a whole day psyching myself up for pretending to be someone who chats easily with strangers.
Let me say that you don’t come across as quiet on your blog! You seem to be very loud, and happy-go-lucky and it makes for a very fun read.
That being said, I’ve never been a ‘quiet’ or ‘shy’ person generally, but I can, and have got the feeling occasionally in social situations. My bf always laughs at me, since he’s NEVER shy and it’s so rare for me when it does happen, he doesn’t know how to deal with it.
I think this world needs a balance of loud mouths and wee quiet ones. Me: loud with lots to say. My hubs: quiet with little to say. And we like it that way. If this world were full of one or the other, I think we’d be in lots of trouble. Though, I do commend you for wanting to learn storytelling – that is definitely an art form even this loud mouth hasn’t mastered.
I’m usually awkwardly quiet until I get so uncomfortable that I start babbling some completely inappropriate story but then I try to tell it in an entertaining way to make up for how inappropriate it is and then later I’m exhausted and I go hide the bathroom until it’s time to go.
True story.
Regarding your comment:
I doubt I will ever be perceived as “loud,” that’s just not who I am, but I do want to learn to tell stories with gusto, to captivate, to speak with confidence and honesty.
A few ideas:
(1) speaking about something that interests you will bring out your “gusto”
(2) join toastmaster or speaking group
(3) watch videos of speakers for variations (a great resource is TED.com)
Being loud or quiet has its advantages, and I think it’s when to use it is more important than being known for it.
ps. I’m spreading your inspire button – I think it’s a great design!
Thanks!
i don’t think you are quiet. just be yourself and don’t give a fuck. be like george bush. he don’t give a fuck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaCr3-cjfTQ