I know when it’s happening.
I start to feel withdrawn. I tune out the world around me. I’m easily annoyed. Jokes aren’t funny. Laughter seems foreign. I can’t concentrate. I question things that I’ve never questioned. I don’t make sense. I just want to curl up under a lump of blankets. And pout. And wait it out.
Then Aunt Flow comes and it’s almost like POOF! I’m back to my normal, cheery, silly, giggly self.
I’m pretty certain I have PMDD, also known as Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, or extreme PMS, which affects about 5 to 10 percent of menstruating women. I’m pretty certain I’ve always had it. Even in high school, friends would say they could tell when I was PMSing, which I guess isn’t too weird, but really, the change in my mood is so marked that even I’m freaked out by myself. These mood swings last for maybe 5 to 12 days out of the month, which is a lot, but some of those days are way better than others. There are usually one or two completely awful days in there, days where I’m either crying for random reasons or I’m simply numb.
It’s kinda lame but I’ve been paying more attention to my symptoms because the wedding is around the time of the month when I usually experience them. Um, yeah, I kinda want to be happy on my wedding day.
I have brought it up with my doctor and he was quick to suggest SSRIs, medications with names like Prozac, Paxil CR and Zoloft. Which FREAK ME OUT. I am not totally against this but it’s gotta be a last, final, totally end-of-the-line resort. It just seems strange to me. Me? On Prozac? I’m crazy but am I crazy? Must I be medicated? I have all sorts of preconceived notions about antidepressants, I realize. But this is my thought process.
I’ve been reading a lot about alternatives. I exercise quite a bit, which hasn’t seemed to help a great deal. I’ve also been taking some vitamin and herbal remedies such as Vitamin B6 and chasteberry. I think that has helped. This month, I’m going to try upping my calcium intake. I went off birth control pills a while ago because I think they were making me even crazier.
I don’t know if anyone has experienced this post is me throwing it all out there. Has anyone experienced this? I’m pretty desperate for advice. Feel free to comment or email me at michelle at michellewoo dot com. Thanks.
Michelle, please let me know if you ever want to talk anti-depressants. I’ve been on both Prozac & Zoloft, & I’m not that out of it, I don’t think. :]
Hmm. I know that you said that you quit taking birth control pills because you thought they were making you feel more out of whack … but I was going to suggest something like Yaz — a birth control pill that also works to combat PMDD. I dunno if this is the type of birth control you already tried or if you were just taking a regular birth control pill that just prevented pregnancy … But yeah, maybe something like Yaz could help, but maybe I would go with an alternative to Yaz because my coworker has PMDD and was on Yaz and she told me she recently switched to a different b/c because of a number of lawsuits against Yaz. Sooo yeah. Sorry if this comment is ramble-y and not at all helpful, but if you were willing to give b/c another try (and hadn’t yet tried something like Yaz) maybe an alternative to Yaz that also helps with PMDD could help. Ugh, that is SO awful your wedding falls on the week as your period. That’s SO unfair :( Sometimes I think I could have PMDD … but I dunno … I think it’s so brave of you to blog about this. Proud of you — and I hope you find the answer you’re looking for. xo
I wish I could offer you advice, but since I’ve never shared these experiences, it’s hard for me to offer the best insights. One thing I do know is any regimen, whether it’s anti-depressants or herbal remedies or even simple exercise will likely take a few months before you feel the true impacts. So, just be sure to give yourself time to ease into a remedy and probably don’t start something new right before the wedding. BTW, I like to think your wedding day is going to be so unbelievably out of this world that you’ll completely forget it’s your crazy time of the month. =)
I have experienced this to a lesser degree. It usually lasts a few days leading up to my period. I take the mini-pill because I have hypertension. Not sure if that makes a difference with the mood swings. My boyfriend wanted to put a reminder in his calendar for every 28 days so that when I talk crazy, he knows that is why. I also try not to make big decisions when I PMS because inevitably, I want to quit my job or move out of my apartment.
…Me? On Prozac? I’m crazy but am I crazy?
I know you probably don’t intend for it to come out this way, but taking an antidepressant does not mean that a person has to be crazy….you or anyone else.
That said, deciding to try medication is not a decision to take lightly. Some of us, myself included, don’t really have the option. Sometimes depression or mood swings are purely chemical and not situational. It’s like if someone has diabetes and they have to take insulin. The body simply isn’t producing what it needs to survive.
I hope that whatever you decide, that it works out in a way that makes YOU feel better. Because really, that’s what matters most.
Ev’Yan – Thanks so much. You’ll probably be hearing from me.
sarah marie p – I’m interested in Yaz but after reading lots of reviews, it seems that people seem to have more horror stories than happy stories.
Thanks for the sweet words.
nilsa – Yeah, you’re so right. I hear that with any new medication, there are often side effects that later subside. With antidepressants, many people gain 5-10 pounds. Just what I need on my wedding day, right? (I’m so vain.) That’s one of the reasons I really hesitate to try anything new (that’s not an herbal remedy) at this point.
irene – Totally hear ya. That’s one of my symptoms – wanting to quit and move away.
nic – I’m sorry if that was offensive. The term “antidepressants” just really scares me. It has a lot to do with my parents who often reject Western medicine. They don’t even like me taking Tylenol or Sudafed. But I agree with you. I can never frown upon anyone who finds a solution to his/her problem.
I come from a family that thinks mental health care and medication is all “quackery” and it’s SO disheartening. I wish that I could just wipe the slate clean of stigma for everyone so they wouldn’t be delayed or dissuaded from trying something that might help them. Maybe it won’t be the right thing for them, but at least they won’t be afraid or worried about what it could mean if they tried.
No offense taken…I just know how hard it was for me and don’t want it to be that way for others if I can do anything voice it.
I have PMDD, and I have good months and bad months – bad as in I really need to keep my mouth shut and stay away from as many people as possible, including my husband, because I’ll end up jobless, friendless, and divorced.
I first went on the pill in my early 20s for cramps, and the first pill I tried made me even crazier than I am now. I stopped that, then a few years later tried again, this time on Loestrin. I felt pretty normal on that, but went off for a few reasons, the main one being my lack of a dating life.
When I met my husband, the PMDD symptoms became more severe. I think a large part of is has to do with the fact that I can’t come home, close the door and ignore the world, because I’m not alone anymore. I tried taking Yaz, and though it seemed to help for the first few months, it didn’t really do much for me after that. I think its lack of effectiveness coincided with the novelty of marriage wearing off, because I started taking it right before my wedding. I stopped taking Yaz altogether because I didn’t feel like it was helping, and more importantly, I hit the no-pill age threshold of 35. With my mother having had breast cancer, synthetic hormones aren’t something I want to mess with.
These days, I find that I can tone down my axe-murderer desires to just plain irritability if I take vitamins: calcium + D, daily multi, and magnesium. I just need to actually take them.
And for the record, I have also been on anti-depressants, and if you decide to go that route, I strongly recommend that you do a lot of research in choosing which one to take and make sure your doctor supports you in that. When I decided to try anti-D’s for anxiety and what was most likely PMDD, I told my doctor, “No Paxil.” He prescribed it anyway as the best one to start out on, and I ended up gaining over 40lbs on it. I only stopped gaining weight when I was able to wean myself off it. So just do your homework as far as anti-D’s go.
I switched to Yaz and I think that’s helped. Also, if you want to go herbal, there are pills called Calm Advantage and they really do help to mellow you out. I’ve been taking those for years (as needed, of course haha!) and they really do calm me down when I’m freaking out from PMS.
I just went off Yasmin last week. You may know from my blog that I am constantly tired… no energy no matter how much I rest. My gyno thought my pills could be an underlying cause and suggested I go off the pill completely for a while to see how I feel. It’s too soon to tell but I hope i notice a difference. Either way, after my research on Yasmin, I refuse to go back on any pill ever again. If I don’t want to eat meat with synthetic hormones, why am I so quick to put them in my own body? No more, I say! (Here’s hoping I don’t end up with a million babies! I mean, I like babies, but I would like to wait to start a family until I’m done with my master’s program!)
I hope you get this sorted out. But I think either way, you will enjoy the magic of your big day. XOXO
hi, i just discovered your blog after stalking ( i mean- what?) the Bloggers in Sin City page.
i don’t know if i have PMDD but i have a real fucking dickhead time with my period. i mean, it seriously feels like my whole body is just internally combusting and shit gets real crazy.
i went off the pill and that definitely helped with my fits of rage and also helped tame my sick stomach. i tried taking calcium chews, but it didn’t make any difference. i also just started taking Oil of Evening Primrose capsules because i heard it helps even out hormone levels.
next on my list is probiotics and papaya enzymes for belly issues. fingers crossed.
I have PMDD and am kinda against pharmaceuticals because of the horrible repercussions on the body, I did a ton of research on herbal remedies and so far I echo what many of these women have said.
I used to exercise at the gym but that didn’t work so I took up alternate styles of exercise (i.e. yoga, kickboxing, belly dancing, rock climbing, trapeze), take chasteberry, vitamin D, magnesium (Sun light is EXCELLENT). Oh, and this was something I discovered with a friend, if I drink around or during the time of my PMDD it gets worse. I don’t know if you drink or not, but hold off during this time, see if it helps. Also, stepping away from people, just knowing that I have to, really helps friendship situations and be open about it with your close friends so they can help you out.
hope that helps, and have a great time at your wedding!
I have no advice, I just wanted to say, “I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU.” I hate, hate, hate talking about PMS because I know a lot of women truly don’t experience it and I think a lot of people use it as an excuse to hold women back (“Women can’t be in power because they’re crazy,” etc.). I’ve heard that men have hormonal cycles each month, too.
But yes. A few days every month? I am a flat-out crazy person. Like other commenters, I truly do have to hide or else I will alienate everyone in my life. I’m irritable and moody and I take EVERYTHING personally. I cry, I pick fights, I make terrible decisions. It’s awful!
Please let us know if you find something that works for you.
Oh, p.s. I agree with Nonny– exercise, sunlight, avoiding alcohol, and being super up front with people: “Just so you know, I’m PMS-ing right now, so I might be an unreasonable bitch if we hang out tonight.” It really helps. But, uh, not sure if you can do that at your wedding.
I am right there with you on the PMDD. I’ve never been diagnosed, but almost every month during that period I get certain symptoms such as: feeling like I could actually murder someone with my bare hands, wanting to beat people who walk by or feeling like lying down in the middle of the street and crying. Life becomes absolutely overwhelming and I basically just try to not go out and stay away from people during that time of the month. I scare myself, and wonder if I am completely mental. And then like clockwork I get my period and am back to my much less homicidal self.
sigh…
I have not gotten any treatment. Like you, I don’t trust pills. I tend to be highly sensitive and suffer from every side effect. But I have heard about the benefits of acupuncture and PMS. I’m a huge advocate of acupuncture and have gotten treatment for other physical problems. Have you ever thought of going in that direction or using chinese herbal remedies?