Maggie Sky came into this world at 11:59 a.m. on December 26, 2012. I’ll have to share her birth story another time as I’m still trying to digest the whole experience. (I will tell you that I didn’t get the epidural and my first words after her birth were, “I would NOT wish that upon anyone!”)
These past eight days have been some of the most blissful, most grueling, most gratifying days of my life. I am jolted by the love I have for Maggie, my daughter. I’ve been a big, blubbery mess over her arrival. I’ll cry while singing her songs like, “Getting To Know You” or thinking about the fact that we didn’t know this little person a week ago and now can’t imagine life without her. I can stare at her all day, just memorizing her tiny features and listening to her soft breaths. It’s so crazy! Who am I and what have you done with the old, emotionless me?!
It is an intense love that deep down, I never thought I could feel. At some point during my five hours of pushing (no, not five hours of labor—five effing hours of pushing), my doula looked at me and asked, “Do you think you’re afraid of becoming a mother?” The answer was yes. As anxious as I was to meet this child, I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough, that I wouldn’t be able to love enough. I’ve never been a “baby person” and the last word anyone would use to describe me is “motherly.” I guess those fears may have manifested in me physically.
Matt and I are still in zombie survival mode as we adjust to being a family of three. Maggie is growing and changing every day, which makes my heart swell and ache at the same time. A lot of people have said she doesn’t even look like a newborn anymore. Gah! Stop that!
I want to remember everything about these first moments before things become too routine. Here are some thoughts and observations about Maggie’s first days of life:
- She had to spend a few nights in the NICU for jaundice. It was very hard to leave her there but whenever we went to visit and feed her, the nurses would tell us how smart and strong she was. She could already lift her head and roll over by herself. One nurse was super freaked out.”Uh, you’re not supposed to be able to do that for six months!” she exclaimed. At one point, Maggie took off her protective eye goggles and started waving them around. The nurses told us we better start baby-proofing our house now.
- She squeaks like a mouse.
- She looks so big to us at home but when we put her in her car seat to take her in for check-ups, we remember how tiny she is.
- We sing to her a lot. Though we’re running out of songs. Our latest lullaby: the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song.
- Furry skin, neck folds and that intoxicating baby smell. There’s nothing sweeter.