No Words

sleeping

I always imagined that once I became a mom, I’d have a surplus of things to write about, that stories and anecdotes would just flow from this crazy, whirlwind experience called parenthood. But describing the past two months is difficult. Everything sounds so cliché, like it’s been written a million times before.   

I mean, I could tell you that sleeping in—or heck, sleeping for more than four hours at a time—is but a distant memory. Or that “getting ready” means throwing on a pair of leggings and any top that isn’t splotched with boob milk. Or that tiny luxuries—a hot shower that lasts longer than seven minutes, a fresh coat of polish on my long-abandoned toenails, a quiet meal at the table with my husband—feel like mini vacations.

I could tell you that leaving the house requires a 17-point checklist and a mega-dose of ambition. That the terms “snotsucker” and “poosplosion” surface regularly in everyday conversation. That after trying the Five S’s (sucking, swaddling, shushing, swinging and putting the baby on its side), I’m ready to try the next two: sound-proofing and Smirnoff. That I feel like I’ve been handed this ticking time bomb, ready to detonate at any given moment.

Or I could also tell you that seeing her smile makes my heart shoot out of my chest like a Mentos and Coke experiment. That her sweet coos are the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. That the old phrase, “The days are long but the years are short” makes so much sense now.  That when I rock her to sleep, the entire world melts away. 

That I simultaneously want to freeze time and glimpse into the future. That I can’t stop telling her, “I love you, I love you, I will love you forever.” That nothing will ever be the same.    

Sometimes, there are no words.

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9 Responses to No Words

  1. Understood. I think, for folks like us who are writers by trade, its hard to truly describe these moments that are so close to the heart.

  2. mine’s coming out in may. we went to out first prenatal class yesterday and went over the 5 S’s… words cannot describe how scared and excited i am at the same time!!

  3. so so sweet. i LOVE this. The way you write is just so beautiful and yet real. So glad you are loving mommyhood so much, it makes it sound less scary!

  4. Word. :) Motherhood is definitely a paradox, but a great experience nonetheless. I’m glad to see you and Maggie are doing well, basking in the good times and weathering through the tough ones together. See you in a few weeks!

  5. so very sweet. i can’t imagine… but soon to find out!

  6. Agreed–it’s a very special time. Enjoy it–it goes by in a flash!

  7. Love this. So true.
    Yes, I understood what “time flies” or “it goes by fast” saying. However, it wasn’t until I had her that it truly hit home. I want to bottle up these moments yet can’t wait to see what great adventure are in store and see the incredible person my daughter will grow up to be. Yet, I want her to stay innocent and ever loving cuddly self forever. She’s 17mos and I still can’t get enough of her. Motherhood is amazing.

  8. well said sis. love her too.

  9. yes to everything. my zilla will be 4 next week. it feels like just yesterday that we drove back from the hospital with this little human being. If I said enjoy every moment, I’d be lying. there are times you aren’t going to enjoy this gig called parenting – but in the end it’s all worth it.

    my son is kicking my ass in sonic the hedgehog :(

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