Today is Valentine’s Day, and also my six-month wedding anniversary.

It started off pretty crappily.

I came home cranky and tired after squirming in traffic for an hour and a half. I stood in the doorway and pouted. “I’m unhappy,” I proclaimed.

Matt stood up from the kitchen table, where he was doing some work. He walked over and gave me a hug.

“Tell me,” he said.

“I drive 500 miles a week and gas is going up to $4 a gallon.”

“Uh huh …”

“And I missed the Grammys because I had to work.”

“Uh huh ….”

“And my friends all went sledding this weekend and it looked really fun on Facebook.”

Matt held me close and whispered in my ear: “White girl problems.”

He proceeded to remind me that my life isn’t bad, that we’re actually so lucky, then I said something ridiculous like, “Well, I guess compared to Egypt.” I’ve been listening to a lot of NPR lately so I brought up Obama’s new budget, too,  but that conversation fizzled quickly. Thank God.

We went to get pho, my very, very favorite, and drew hearts with Sriracha in our bowls. You know, for Valentine’s Day. We talked about how Valentine’s dinners are so stupid—you spend all this money to have this lavish five-course meal, and afterward, the last thing you’re in the mood for is lovin’. Instead, you just want to unbutton your pants and moan in discomfort.

Matt told me he had already secretly unbuttoned his pants because he was getting too full. I laughed and said, “Being married is so much fun.”

We went home and held hands while watching How I Met Your Mother in bed. We kissed a little and talked in each other’s mouths (try it!). Now Matt is snoring, loudly as usual. It was sort of a perfect Valentine’s Day when I think about it.

Photo by Raya Carlisle

I’m feeling really, really, giddily good about our wedding, thanks to our awesome planner Paige and to the fact that dude, it’s our wedding! All the people we love (and the others we tolerate) will be sitting under the same big sycamore tree, watching us vow to honor and cherish each other for now and forevermore amen.

Yeah, about those vows, yeeeah. It’s kinda sad that figuring out the actual ceremony portion of the wedding is my final checkmark on the to-do list, falling right under “Make cocktail signs” and “Steam iron hair flower.” But that’s because it’s the hardest part. I’ve been debating over whether we should say something personal to each other, not necessarily our own vows, but some sweet words from the heart. It’s hard because on one hand, Matt and I don’t really say schmoopy, Hallmark-y things to each other. Like ever. So it would be weird to start now, on our wedding day. But on the other hand, it would be nice to write something, right? Every detail in this wedding has been mulled over and personalized. So for our ceremony, the most important part, why would we just go with a template?

I tried to write something tonight. I sat on the couch with my Moleskine notebook and started jotting down the reasons why I want to marry Matt. I thought I was off to a decent start but was running out of fuel. I decided to read him the list.

“You support all my life goals, even when they change every other day.
You encourage me to be a better (and more hygienic) person.
You take good care of me, petting my head and taking me to get pho when I’m sick.”

Matt stopped me. “Uh, it’s starting to sound like a kindergarten Mother’s Day card,” he said.

You know what? FINE! This is way too difficult.

But really, the more I think about it, reciting traditional vows—and adding nothing more—sounds like a good bet. I mean, what more do we need? We promise to love each other always, even when we get old and wrinkly and bald and fat. (OK, maybe not fat.)

It will be amazing no matter what. That is my vow.

I mean, it’s great! Cohabitation has been wonderful, really (Hi Matt if you’re still looking at me). Our lives are meshing together (almost) effortlessly and it’s exciting and fun and just so right. But, well …

I need space.

As in uninterrupted quiet time. Time to sit and ponder the meaning of life. Time to blog. Time away from the sounds of Star Wars marathons and video games. Time away.

I’m still figuring it out. For now, I have to get ready to crawl into bed with my sweet fiance. Life isn’t too shabby.

For Matt’s 30th birthday, I threw him a surprise Star Wars party with the help and unabashed participation of our friends. We went all out. Or as you might say, The Force was with us.

We started at our apartment.

There were costumes.

And light sabers.

I, of course, dressed as Matt’s fantasy.

And then there was the big surprise.

Our friend Kyung remade the Star Wars opening crawl with the words: “30 years ago, in a galaxy called California, a baby named Matt was born …” It was super cool! In the middle of the video, we marched out to surprise him.

And then later at the bar we revealed the cake. The amazing, custom-made R2D2 cake!

Matt had a blast.

It was the nerdiest night ever (someone asked me at the bar, “Did you guys just come from the convention?”) but it was so much fun. Happy 30th birthday, Matt!

Thanks to our friends for the photos!

Second, he’s always up in my grill. Due to my A.D.D., I keep no less than 25 tabs open on my computer screen at all times. Seeing this gives Matt a nervous tick and he feels an overwhelming urge to hit Option-Command-W. He’s always wanting to close out my windows. He doesn’t purposely look at what I’m browsing—believe me, it’s not that juicy … blogs, wedding stuff, WebMD for my ailments—but it’s all right there. He would know if I Googled “How to throw a surprise party.”

Lastly, I simply suck at keeping secrets from him. I always need to tell Matt everything, every thought process, every detail. I feel all tortured inside when I’m hiding something and I always let it leak out with an awkward, “Sooooooooo …… NOTHING.” And then he’ll say, “What?” And I’ll let out a sigh of relief and say, “Well since you asked ….”

This very long intro leads into the fact that because Matt’s BIG 30th birthday is coming up, I, against all odds, tried to plan a surprise party. I was prepared and determined. I really thought I was gonna pull it off until the other day when I was listening to my voice messages. On speaker phone. With Matt sitting next to me.

Message 1 – Mom
delete
Message 2 – Mom
delete
Message 3 – Mom
delete
Message 4: [A man's voice] “Hi Michelle, this is Ben from Backstage Bar & Grill …”
QUICKLY DELETE!!!!!!!!!!

I looked at Matt and said, “Oh yeah, I met a guy at a bar named Ben …. ”

Matt shook his head and was like, “You shouldn’t have deleted that message. How will you know the latest on my surprise party?” He then said he had seen my “research” on my computer.

Doh. I suck.

P.S. Another reason why I can’t plan a surprise party is because I tell the internet everything.

P.P.S. Don’t worry. This whole post is totally part of my grand surprise party-planning scheme. Muahahaha.

One of the first things the pastor told us is that almost every couple cries at some point, and not out of joy. He’s witnessed lots of yelling and fighting and throwing of rings. I can believe it. Within the first 10 minutes of our session, we were revealing our deepest issues, stuff we hate talking about.

I secretly hoped that pre-marital counseling would lead to some good blog fodder but I’m not sure if it will. It’s all kinda private, you know? I’d never gone through any type of counseling before and I feel kinda naked. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY FEELINGS?

I’m confident that our relationship will be even stronger after this. Plus, I would never throw my bling back at Matt. Have you seen this sucker?

Have any of you gone through pre-marital counseling? What was your experience like?

*This is our new favorite line. We use it against each other all the time. For example, I let one rip and Matt was like, “This is a problem. I’m gonna bring it up in counseling.” It’s kinda fun.

This is a big deal for us because as you may know, after six years of dating, this will be our first time living together. It’s exciting and scary.

Matt, by the way, I really think we need a potted plant wall decal. Come onnnnn.

Here’s to domestic bliss!

Me: Do I make you a better person?
Matt: Yes because when I stand next to you, I look really good.
Me: Grrr.

So yeah, staying up late is fun but I don’t think it’s very healthy. Now that I don’t have a regular work schedule, I go to bed at about 2, wake up at 9:30, stroll into the office at 11, leave at 7 . I don’t see much sunlight. It’s kind of sad.

Matt says that we get married, I should try to get on his schedule. He goes to bed at 10:30 and wakes up at 6:30. 6:30 a.m.! I don’t know what 6:30 a.m. looks like. But I’d like to see how that goes. Did you know that 80 percent of the top CEOs wake up at 5:30 a.m. or earlier? Dooce wakes up at 6, too. Zen Habits listed some great benefits of rising early.

Another reason why I think marriage will be good for me. More structure in my life FTW!