My friends are flakes.
Maybe not all of them, but probably a good majority of them and definitely the ones I care about most. It’s something I’ve come to accept and expect, similar to how I’ve come to accept and expect all Southwest flights to be delayed at least 45 minutes, but it doesn’t mean my blood doesn’t rise to a simmer every time I get a text a few hours before a planned meet-up that reads: “Can’t make it! [Insert emphatic excuse here, ie. The Good Student Approach —> '10,000 pages to read before tomorrow's big test,' The Family Obligation Approach —> 'My mom needs me to do something very important,' and The I Can't Even Put Effort Into An Excuse Approach —> 'I've been really, really tired.'] Sorry!!!!!!! We must hang out soon!!!!” You can’t forget the multiple exclamation points, which, of course, make everything better.
I’m not saying I myself deserve any Friend of the Year awards. I know stuff comes up. I’ve needed to use those Get Out of Plans cards, too. But sometimes I wonder: Have we become too comfortable in our friendships, assuming that we can flake time and time again without consequence? Or at this point in our lives, is friendship just not a priority anymore? And in the end, do the relationships outweigh the disappointments?
This is an embarrassingly late announcement, but I wrote about the slow demise of friendship over at the fab quarterlife hub Umm… Now what? Despite what it seems, I don’t think about this crap all the time. I’m not sitting on the porch with a banjo singing, “Lonelyyyyy, I’m so lonelyyyyy.” But it is both irritating and sad to know that many of my friendships are held together only by plans that are ultimately tentative.
My boyfriend Matt is the most reliable person I’ve ever met. His be-there, no-excuses personality seems almost out of place in our whatever-works-best-for-me generation. It’s something I admire greatly about him, yet it’s also something that can get annoying. Whenever a close friend sends us an Evite for some sort of gathering, he’s the first to reply ‘yes,’ along with some witty remark. And when he says he’ll be there, you know he’ll be there.
“Don’t you want to wait to see who else is going?” I’ll ask.
“No,” he’ll say. “Why does that matter?”
Then on the day of the event, he makes it a point to arrive exactly on time.
“Hurry up, we’re going to be late,” he’ll say, as I sit in front of the mirror, leisurely applying mascara.
“Who cares?” I’ll say. “No one ever shows up until at least an hour after something is supposed to start, anyway. I’m not ready.”
He’ll then proceed to tell me we have to go every 20 seconds.
“Gah!” I’ll yell.
It’s strange, really. To put as much effort in your social life as you would in your professional life. But when you think about it, why not? You may not get a pink slip, but you can definitely get fired as a friend. (OMG, did I just write that trash?) Reliability isn’t as sexy a characteristic as say, spunk or sense of humor, but in any relationship, it may be even more important. Oftentimes, it’s the foundation.
So quit flaking, bitches.
