I never in a kabillion years thought I would do a vlog (Why can’t we just type anymore?!), but I’ve been so inspired by my technology workshop and my bloggy friends that okay, okay, let’s try this. Here is me.
Category Archives: Material things
Be Mine
In my 27 years of existence, I’ve never stepped into Bag Territory. It’s too scary. Too crazy. And once you’re in, there’s no turning back.
But last week, I stumbled, somewhat accidentally. My purse of the moment — a cute, sweater-like hobo from Urban Outfitters — had a monster rip inside and all my stuff slid underneath the lining. Ghet-to. It was annoying because I had just bought the thing during the holidays. I always buy cheap shit like that. Then I had a random thought.
And when I have random thoughts, I turn to Twitter.
Suddenly, I became popular. People started messaging me: Check out BlueFly! Try the Camarillo outlets! Ebay’s the way to go! Marc by Marc Jacobs! Fossil is great! Get a Birkin! (Uh, thanks @fjeng but I said $200, not $20,000) Then I open my email: “handbagheaven and baghausbuzz are following you on Twitter.” Oh, hi there. I think I had just entered Bag Territory.
(Yeah, it was wittier in my head. Whatever.)
Not knowing where to start, I clicked on a link in a reply by @annietown.
And there it was.
Hello, lover.
Andrea Brueckner Cardiff Satchel
It was a bit more than I was hoping to pay, but I loved it. It was classy, but sort of edgy. I could see myself rocking it everywhere.
So I quickly consulted some friends/bag mentors, who told me to get it (obv), and so as the practical woman I am, I gave myself one night to sleep on it, and then when I woke up the next morning, I got out my debit card and snagged it. I felt a tiny rush.
And then I told Twitter. And people congratulated me as if I just had a child. That made me happy. Girls are so fun.
I have the bag now and we’re in bliss. I just keep looking at it and petting it. It’s better crafted than any accessory I own, which I guess isn’t saying much, but it’s just so apparent for someone who’s used to Forever 21. The snappy magnet closure thingy snaps really tight and there are all these canvas pockets inside and the hardware is super sturdy.
So there. I think I’m in love.
There’s no turning back.
Posted in Material things
ROAR.
Roar!
Dino Hoodie, $62 at Kayden
P.S. I made dinosaur sounds while taking these photos.
P.P.S. I’m still cool.
Posted in Material things
Should I steal the cat puzzle or the enema?
The term white elephant refers to a gift whose maintenance cost exceeds its usefulness.
—Wikipedia
My friends and I take the white elephant “stealing” gift exchange game seriously. When the rules say, “Bring a crappy gift,” oh, we bring it. Then we transform into cackling middle schoolers once the novelties are unwrapped. It’s so much fun, I swear, we could do this every Friday and the hilarity wouldn’t wear off.
This weekend, I went to two holiday parties where we played this glorious game. Here’s what some lucky recipients got to take home:
Signed Papa Roach CD
Internet urinal
Rock Your Body with Jamie King DVD
Dried octopus snacks
Mineral oil enema
500-piece cat puzzle
Framed doily cutout of Chinese communist leader Mao
Photo collection of famous statue genitalia
Personal lubricant
Southwest Airlines drink coupons
Grow Your Own Jesus
At one party, I ended up with Stephenie Meyer’s Breaking Dawn (yay?), and at the other, I was the big winner of soap.
At Party #2, we also played Secret Santa and I got a hamburger phone! My lovely friend Jenn apparently reads my website. I gave my friend Larry a USB-powered pole dancer, which the boys seemed to wholeheartedly enjoy.
Ho ho ho.
USB Pole Dancer from Michelle Woo on Vimeo.
Totally Random Holiday Wish List!
Santa, baby …
It is a mystery as to why I fall asleep extraordinarily faster when Matt is lying next to me than when I’m alone because he snores like chainsaw and has major problems staying on his half, or, rather, his 9/10ths. It could because his mere presence puts me at ease, calming me into a peaceful slumber. … NAH. It’s probably because of his heartbeat. The Beating Heart Stress Relief Pillow vibrates with a special rhythmic heart beat when you clutch it to your chest. The rhythm changes over time to mimic a real heart. And I bet it never steals the covers.
Adore this print by Paola Zakimi. This girl is sad like I am sometimes sad. Let’s pet each other’s hair and say, “There, there.”
Yes, I want a ballet bar, or, I’m sorry, barre. I’d be such a poser, I know. I’m no ballerina. It’s just that I bought these new Bar Method DVDs and while I could simply use a steady chair, I’d be way more excited to stretch and plie on an actual barre. And more excited ultimately means more fit, right? Right. Done.
Speaking of exercise, I really want the iJoy Ride. How does it work? Watch this video. Hey, no snickering! This is serious business. “This unique and exciting balance trainer improves coordination skills, flattens the stomach and builds core muscle strength.” AND SERVES NO OTHER PURPOSE. Yeah, I know the thing is $499. I said this is a wish list.
Maybe if I had Juno’s Hamburger Phone, I would inherit her natural charm and ability to spew snappy one-liners on cue. Though I can probably do without her hyper-fertile eggs for at least a few more years.
We recently did a complete overhaul on our bathroom and now it is lacking good reading material. (Old, crumply Us Weeklies, I miss you.) I would like to start new with a subscription to W. The clothes are gorgeous, the writing is superb and the people are preeeeeeeeeetty. Want.
That’s about all I can think of for this hour. But I leave you with this Popping Edamame Keychain that Matt just bought me. Don’t you love? Hooray for useless stuff!
SHOPPING SPREEEEE!
BlogHer and JCPenney offered me a $300 gift card to buy holiday gifts at JCPenney. All I had to do was blog about it.
Um, OKAY!
I was super excited to do this. Shopping? I like shopping. Free? Oh, I like free. So on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I slipped on a dress (gotta look cute for the blog pics), grabbed the boyfriend/photographer and set off to frolic through the aisles to the tune of “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.”
And then we got there.
More clutter
You know, I’ve gotta admit, life is pretty darn good. But you know what would make it just a teensy bit better? Random crap I don’t need! Here’s my latest wish list, spawned mostly from this nifty website I stumbled upon, Patina Stores.
I Love You Toast Stamper. So cool! I don’t eat toast very often, but I might if it told me it loved me.
At times, I do miss my life in Arizona. Especially now as Spring Training is right around the corner. Where else could you pay $5-10 to lay out on the grass, flip through magazines and have your balls signed by famous athletes? (“Hi. Can you sign this? Oh, and who are you?”) I did bring back to California a potted cactus that I could keep in my room and gaze at wistfully, but that was sadly lost in an incident involving me, liquor and the phrase, “Hey, catch this!” (Clean-up was bad. “Ow … Ow … Ow.”) I think I’d do better with this Spike Cactus Pen.
Crap Folders. These just speak to me.
And finally, watch this video and tell me you don’t love this.
Whether she wins or loses, this bumper sticker has got to be one of the coolest mementos of this crazy election. I want one to show my grandkids. You know, once they’re old enough to swear.
Posted in Material things
Current Obsession
Posted in Material things
