A cover story I wrote on  pastor Dave Gibbons of Newsong Church. He’s an inspiring guy.

Thought I’d share a couple of my latest OC Weekly stories.  In this week’s issue, I wrote the cover story on The Bruery, a craft brewery that’s changing the way people see and drink beer. I also profiled Harry Shum Jr., aka “the other Asian” on Glee. It was a phone interview, so I didn’t get to see the abs in person, unfortunately. Shucks.

Just wanted to give you all a link to my second OC Weekly cover story: Sal Duenas is a Handball Wizard. It takes a look at the underexposed world of handball (no, not the same game we played as kids with that massive red ball).

It’s pretty cool being a reporter. You get to meet so many different types of people that you never would have met otherwise. The more I learn, the dumber I feel, if that makes sense.

Some proof:

My first OC Weekly cover story.

A post on my carnivorous adventures in Buenos Aires.

My morning in the kitchen with the Disneyland candy cane makers.

Shortly after college, I was an education reporter. It was the BEST JOB EVER. I got to write stories on freak dancing, banned books and teens who blog (hey, it was kinda newsworthy back then). I was gonna be the best education reporter, maybe one day I’d write big stories for Newsweek, maybe I’d even get a book deal! I was filled with passion and drive and energy.

And then I got bored.

Ugh, I was so bored. Really, who would want to write about standardized test scores and school district zoning and construction referendums? If I had to sit through one more school board meeting snooze-fest, I was gonna blow my brains out. I felt tired and stagnant. So, I quit.

I then became a fashion reporter. You guys, a fashion reporter! It was the BEST JOB EVER. I basically shopped for a living. Every day, my desk was piled with the latest bags and shoes and jewelry. I could do big things in my career, I thought. I could write for the major women’s glossies. I could get paid to travel. I could get my own column.

And theeeeen I got bored. I mean, how many possible ways could one describe a denim miniskirt, anyway? It’s blue. And it’s … skirty. I had to face it. I didn’t love fashion and probably never would. So eventually, I quit.

I continued to write for a living and started getting into blogs. Recently, I wanted to start a wedding blog. I’d go all out, posting daily inspiration, hopefully even getting sponsors. It would be the BEST JOB EVER. I was already spending my days swooning at my computer screen–might as well put that energy into a little business.

And then (surprise!) I got bored. Of wedding stuff. (Can you believe it?) I’d look at blogs and think, “Wow, another engagement session with balloons. So original.” (Not that there’s anything wrong with balloons! You should totally take photos with balloons! They’re so vibrant! Don’t hurt me.) But I’d see the same stuff over and over and realized I’d have nothing to add to the wedding world. So I’m pretty much over the wedding blog idea. (Though you know I’ll still be writing about my wedding here. All. The. Time.)

The point of all this is: I’m fueled by the thrill. I get really excited about my potential but hate doing the actual work that’s required to reach it. And because of this, I will forever be mediocre. I will never rise to the top.

Unless I make some changes.

In 2010, I need to pinpoint a subject area (or “beat”) that I want to tackle and then go at it and stay at it. Even when it’s boring. Even when other opportunities flash at me and scream, “Try me instead!” I’m 28 years old and should be done with the exploration stage. I need to focus and then re-focus. I need to make something stick.

I was also kinda frazzled about the show I had to put on tonight. You see, I work for this magazine and we started hosting these live web shows featuring actors and music artists. It’s very casual but there are a lot of things to think about and I am just not very good with things or thinking. So once we finally got rolling, I was pretty much ready to be done for the day.

And then she sang.

Scroll to about 00:46:00 to hear the song that made my life sweet again.

“Holy, Holy, Holy”

Priscilla Ahn with Big Phony and The Sweet Hurt.

Love.

No more grumbles.

Squee! It’s the holidays, you guys!

First, I’ve been writing regularly for CNNGo, a new Asia-focused lifestyle and travel site from CNN. I just found out that my story on inspiring volunteer trips is featured on CNN.com (yes, the CNN.com!). LOOK!

www.edition.cnn.com/travel

Also, I’m so, so thrilled to finally introduce you to the site I’ve been working on for Lord knows how many months.

I Am KoreAm
The online home of KoreAm Journal

It’s a news and lifestyle site for all those interested in the Asian American experience. We’re gonna host live web shows and feature celebrity guest bloggers and do all sorts of fun stuff. This has been a massive project for our tiny team (which includes our rockstar intern Liz and our amazing design crew FRA). We can’t wait to see where it goes. P.S. Check out my story on Korean heartthrob Daniel Henney!

Hope you enjoy.

The reality:
It’s 3 a.m. and I’m hunched over my computer, scrambling to make another deadline. I haven’t changed out of my pajamas in over 24 hours. Empty cans of green tea and bottles of 5-Hour Energy surround me. I flake on plans with friends, saying I’m so, so sorry, but I had no idea I would get this busy. Blog? What blog? Hello there, life of insanity. I wasn’t expecting you so soon.

So yeah, freelancing has been going really well. Dangit! Just kidding. Really, I am thrilled to be getting the work I’ve been getting. I feel so lucky (and so tired).

By the way, I can’t wait to tell you about some of my projects. I’ll be sure link to them as soon as they’re up.

There’s a lot that I’m still learning about time management, organization, communication, self-promotion and choosing your work wisely. I’ll expand on all this some day. Just wanted to write a quick post to let you know that I’m alive and things are swell. Thanks for all your support.

Now those voices have been quieted, understandably so — there’s no encouragement in journalism right now — but my own voice has not risen within me as a replacement.

It’s pretty quiet around here. Oftentimes, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, if I’m improving, if any of this means anything to anyone.

Sometimes I yearn to go back to school or work for a big company with lots of bosses, but I know that it’s only so I can get someone to say, “Yes, you’re doing it right.”

Can’t I just say that myself? Is it possible to be brilliant even if no one else utters the words?

It sucks to live like this, to be a praise junkie. (Ha — why do you think I started a blog?) Your worth is dependent on the opinions of other people, who can be oh-so unreliable.

There’s some genius in me, I’m sure, but finding it means looking past what’s going to get me comments and pats on the back and instead looking for what makes me come alive. That’s a much more difficult task.

But frankly, I’m tired of the silence.

“I was really shocked by the decision and completely unprepared, both financially and mentally. But I think I am coping well, and in the end I think it’s a way to make me finally pursue what I want – I just enrolled for culinary school yesterday and I have an agent and I’m going to pursue food hosting full-force. But it’s still super scary and I vacillate between depression and normalcy/slight elation throughout the day. It’s pretty rough – one minute I’m crying, the next minute I’m super productive and applying for jobs.”

After reading this, I felt sympathetic, sure, but you wanna know what I really felt? Jealous. It’s crazy, it’s stupid, but throughout this economic downturn, as friends are being spit from their positions left and right, the one word that comes to mind is … lucky. Because I know they’re smart cookies and will ultimately be okay. Better than okay. Their circumstances are propelling them to act, to reinvent themselves, to create from scratch the lives they’ve always dreamed of.

Perhaps I’m the only one in this nation who is glamorizing the recession, but how thrilling would it be for someone to rip the ground from under you and your only two options would be to plunge tragically or soar higher than you ever could imagine? To do or die.

I’m in awe of what my laid-off friends have already done for themselves. One started her own graphic design business, something she’s been wanting to do for years. Several others are applying to grad school. I understand that not everyone has the means to take such leaps, but I do believe that this is a unique time of opportunity. I hunger to do what I want to do, too.

But of course, if you do have a job and even utter the “Q” word, especially now, no one will dare say, “Congrats on taking a risk!” Instead, you’ll be greeted with oh-so subtle remarks such as: “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EFFIN’ MIND!?!”

Today, as I finally have some time to breathe a little, I sat on the bike machine, flipping through Vogue. I happened to come across a profile of Stephanie Meyer, you know, Twilight lady, and while reading it, I started nodding my head yes. It was a good story, not mind-blowing or anything, but good, satisfying. And I was just like, hmm. You know, with a lot of practice and reading and mentoring and maybe some more training, I could maybe one day do this. As in write for big publications like Vogue. It sounds crazy, but is it really that crazy?

I have big dreams every now and then, but they always seem to get squashed by the chaos of reality.

I don’t know why I’m writing this post. I am fortunate to have a job right now. I believe this deep down somewhere, I really do.

But in time, I want to see how high I can soar. And to do that, I could really use a push.